Once Upon a Random Day at Hogwarts
by Gothicthundra
Summary: James and Sirius manage to anger Alice and must pay the price. To think their troubles all started with finding the perfect gift for Frank Longbottom. Written for a friend. Its Random and Funny please review.


**Once Upon a Random Day at Hogwarts**

James and Sirius lay on the ground of the Gryffindor common room in boredom. People said nothing to the fourth year boys, mostly out of fear. This was their free hour at the moment, sadly Remus and Peter still had class. James turned to Sirius as Sirius turned to James. Two people stepped over them rather then around. They at once knew it was Lilly Evans but did not say a word. The week before she had broke James' nose after he insulted Snape.

"You know I've been thinking." said Sirius.

"It's the end of the world." James sat up in mock panic.

"No, really. We should have all organized our scheduling better last year." said Sirius.

"Your right, I mean, seriously, Sirius. Why would Remus want to take Divination II, wasn't one enough?" said James.

"Maybe he fancies that Tree-lawn-ee girl." said Sirius.

"I think you said it wrong." said James.

"How do you say it?" asked Sirius.

"So, its agreed. . . next year more organizing." said James.

"Yup... Hey James?"

"Yeah?"

"You know it's Frank's birthday tomorrow."

"What?!" James sat up quickly.

"You didn't get him anything?" Sirius popped up.

"What did you get him?" asked James quickly.

"I remembered this morning, I was going to ask if I could share credit with what you got him." said Sirius in disappointment.

"Same here." said James.

"We should be more organized." said Sirius.

"Sirius Black!"

"I said the word, sorry." said Sirius.

"SIRIUS!"

"Crap."

"Who are you?" asked James, wand drawn to Sirius head.

"The guy whose going to kick your arse if you don't get your bloody wand out of my face." Sirius swatted at the wand.

"Just making sure... hey Sirius."

"Yes James."

"I have an urge."

"Go find someone else to fill it, I decline."

"Not that type of urge you nitwit." said James as he rolled his eyes, "Lets get something for Frank."

"Like what?" asked Sirius.

"I don't know. Let's do something dangerous." said James with an evil smirk.

"Apart from any other day." said Sirius with an evil grin matching James.

"Let's. . . I'm out of ideas." said James, his face faltered.

"Holy merlin's saggy left but cheek, James Potter is out of ideas." announced Sirius to the whole common room.

"And thats a bad thing." came Lilly Evan's voice from across the room.

"Do you hear that James, it sounded like a dying banshee. Oh Sorry, it was just Evans." said Sirius.

"Be nice Sirius, do you recall her problem?" asked James, under his breath.

"You mean she had a part of her that isn't a problem." said Sirius.

"Oh shove it you two." said Lilly leaving the common room.

"James I think that was an invitation." said Sirius.

"Okay, now that that's over with. Have any ideas?" asked James, ignoring Sirius' last remark.

"Well he like's that Alice girl." said Sirius in deep thought.

"So." said James.

"I have an idea. It's dangerous, and one of us might not make it back alive." said Sirius.

"Ooo, I'm listening." said James, his eyes full of eagerness.

"Okay all we have to do..." Sirius began to whisper his evil plan into James' ear.

It was a few minutes later and the two sat in the common room once more, in deep concentration. Sirius and James reviewed their text book once more. If all worked as planed, they would have the perfect gift for one Frank Longbottom. All they needed where their wizarding skills. A lass, they did not yet understand wizarding charms to their fullest.

"Okay, I'm gonna do it." said James, "On the count of three."

"One."

"Two"

"Three. Accio Alice's bra." they said together.

Their was a shriek outside the portrait door and a pink floral bra flew at them. The two stood there in shock and horror. The bra flew at them, hooking onto both of their wands. Before they could make a move, a rather angry Alice stomped in, followed by Lilly Evans and Molly Prewitt. Lilly was in shock and Molly looked fit to laugh in between her angry glares.

"Oh my..." Alice's face was now contorted so badly they couldn't figure out her emotion, and Sirius being Sirius had to speak.

"I thought it would blue stars. We should have made a bet." said Sirius turning to bewildered James.

"I am going to..." Alice was stopped.

"If you want I'd be happy to kill them for you." said Lilly in anticipation.

"No, I think it would be much better if you just gave them what they wanted." said Molly with an evil look.

"What do you. . .fine keep the bra. But watch your back." said Alice.

It was nearing lunch time and James and Sirius had now let their guard down. They had been jumpy through Potions and Transfigiration and nothing had happened. Although, whatever she was planning, Lilly had yet to know. It was now that they walked down the hallway calmly, and after a few minutes, completely alone. They wondered when Remus and Peter would meet them for lunch. Suddenly, without warning. Pink beams shot at them, followed by mad laughter and scurrying feet.

"What was that about?" asked Sirius.

"I have no idea, but I feel tingle." said James.

"James!" said Sirius, fear in his voice.

"Yeah." said James.

"Is my chest bigger?" asked Sirius.

"Uh." James looked and to his shock, so was his.

"Holy, bloody. . . " James trailed off.

"You got to admit, she's got some interesting talents. . . and I like her revenge style." said Sirius.

"Yeah I'll have to agree. Note to self, do not mess with Alice." said James, and then thinking, "Or Molly, or Lilly, or... I don't know."

"I'm scared James. . . " said Sirius.

"Why?" asked James.

"Why are your boobs bigger?" asked Sirius.

"Are they really?" asked James.

"Yeah, and your thinner, that's no far. In all honesty I should have bigger ones." said Sirius, his in mock hurt.

"Okay. . ." said James.

"Alright back to the plan. What are we getting Frank?" asked Sirius.

"We could flash him..." suggested James.

"No I have a better idea... to the lunch room." said Sirius.

"I am not flashing the teaching staff. Although it would be funny." said James.

"No, you twit. I want to show my new boobs to Remus and Peter." said Sirius.

"Oh, that's a good idea. After we do that, why don't we pretend to be girls." said James sarcastically.

"Oh lighten up, it'll only last an hour probably. Anyway, we can't skip class and I'm hungry.  
said Sirius.

"True. . . hey do you want to disturb our friends?" asked James with a evil grin.

"Well, I think this'll do it." said Sirius.

"Oh, but my dear Sirius, I have more." James' face looked erie in the dark hallway as lighting lit the sky outside.

"What in bloody hell is going on with the world?" asked Sirius.

"I don't know, but that was kind of ironically dramatic." said James, his face now concerned as they looked out the window.

Remus and Peter walked down the hallway to the Great Hall cheerfully. They both where eager to meet up with their best friends. As they approached the table, they could see the back of James and Sirius' heads. Remus and Peter happily ran around the other side of the table and walked up to their friends.

"Hey guys how was your... what on. . . why do you have boobs?" asked Remus.

"We're thinking about becoming girls, and this is helping us get a feel for it." said Sirius.

"I'm concerned." said Peter.

"So am I." said Remus. "You decided this all in two hours."

"Yeah. Then we're where thinking about children." said James.

"Yeah, can men carry children?" asked Sirius.

"How would they come out?" asked James.

"Probably a C-section and I don't if you can." said Remus, taking a drink of Pumpkin Juice.

"If so, can we carry your children Remus?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah." said James, causing a spit take from both Remus and Peter.

"We'll have little pups." said Sirius.

"Yeah, it'll be like a litter." said James.

"I'm leaving now." said Remus getting up slowly and walking away.

"Well, since he doesn't want us. . . hey Peter." before Sirius could finish, Peter had disappeared.

"WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU ARE BOOBS!" yelled James, at this the whole of the men in the Great Hall turned and looked.

"Potter, Black. . . why do you have boobs?" asked Lilly, eyes wide.

"Oh no dear Lilly. It's what we'd feared. First they steal poor Alice's bra and now this. How desperate must they be to give themselves a chest in order to cop a feel." said Severus, walking next to her.

"Oh thats a ghastly sight." said Lilly.

"Let us go somewhere. . . else." said Severus and they quickly hurried off.

"Anyway. . . hey James. Do you want to ask random guys if they want us to be the mother's of their children?" asked Sirius.

"Why not." said James, as they got up.

Seven guys, two whistles, a few glares, and a statement on Sex and Anatomy later... James and Sirius where looking for another victim. Thier day may not be the greatest, but they had work to do and they where on a mission. Then they saw their pray, Snape sat presumably alone at the fountain in the square.

"Hey Snape. . . mind if we ask you a question?" asked Sirius.

"You just did." said Snape turning from them.

"We where wondering, if we could carry your child?" asked James.

"Oh my. . ." Lilly appeared from the other side of Snape in shock.

"I decline that invitation." said Snape, his face in horror and disgust.

"Your right they are desperate." said Lilly.

"Hey Evans. . ." James was cut off.

"... Sev, lets get out of here. I'm frightened." said Lilly, eyes wide as she grabbed Severus' arm.

"Yes, lets." said Severus as they left.

"That didn't go as planed." said James.

"Not only will we be known as the boys with boobs, but the ones..." a flash sound came from beside them, "What was that?" asked Sirius.

"No idea." said James.

An hour later, once more, the two where now in an empty hallway. Still contemplating Frank's present. As they sat there, James began to have boob issues. He felt that when he shifted, they went against him. He, without looking, began to adjust himself.

"What are you doing?" asked Sirius.

"They bother me." said James, still touching them, "They are kind of soft."

"How dare you adjust yourself in my presence." said Sirius fighting back laughter.

"No seriously, their soft. Fell yours." said James.

"No." said Sirius.

"Fine I'll feel yours." said James, grabbing Sirius' chest.

"How dare you cop a feel." said Sirius, almost laughing.

"You can feel mine." said James.

"Okay," said Sirius, and he did.

"Sev, look at this!" yelled Lilly who happened to be walking by the corner hallway.

"Hey Evans." said the two at the same time.

"I have no comment." said Severus, and he and Lilly began to run down the hallway.

"You know, we could have taken our hands of each others chest." said Sirius.

"Yet, why didn't we. . . better yet, why are we still doing it?" asked James.

"I don't know, but I like it." said Sirius.

"Me too." said James.

"I don't want to see this." said Remus as he and Peter walked up on the other side of them.

"Then close your eyes." said Peter.

"I'm going to the library." said Remus, walking over their arms calmly.

The two walked back to Gryffindor tower to walk in on a laughing Frank. He was positively historical and when he saw them jumped up and stumbled over to him. They couldn't figure out what was going on until he gave them a serious look.

"Nice boobs." and Frank began to laugh along with the rest of the common room, and now they could see multiple pictures of their day.

"How did you..." James' eyes where wide.

"Remus! Peter!" Sirius growled as the two held up a camera.

"This is what we get trying to get you the perfect birthday gift." said James, bitterly to Frank.

"My, my birthday. . . my birthday is October 27th not September." said Frank.

"Well then this day was all for nothing." said James.

"Not true. I know how boobs feel now." said Sirius.

"True." said James, "But my back hurts."

"Do you want me to take the hex off?" asked Alice.

"Yes, we've learned our lesson." said Sirius.

A few minutes later, and a couple pounds lighter, the two, Remus, Peter, and Frank walked down the hallway talking. It had been an eventful day today and now, discussing was in order. They stopped by the library door and decided to part ways in a few minutes.

"So, how was it really like to have boobs?" asked Frank.

"It was a new experience." said Sirius.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't want to experience it again." said James.

"What would you have preferred?" asked Remus.

"How about a wild orgy with the Giant Squid?" said James, with a smirk and then the group burst out laughing as Lilly and Snape looked at them in shock as they walked out of the library.

**END**


End file.
